So so so important. Both my husband and I started off our collegiate and post-collegiate lives in very different careers (he was working his way towards a PhD in composition … of the musical variety … so he could be a professor and composer, and I had a master’s in higher education administration with an eye towards becoming a dean of students or some such job). And we could have gone on just fine in those, but neither one of us was exceedingly, burstingly happy with them. So we both decided to take an insane risk (he quit one piano test shy of a master’s degree to pursue journalism, and I left a good job in student life to basically be a part time secretary at Harvard while I wrote my first book) to see if this other thing might make us more happy. Right at the point where we should have been taking those next steps forward to be THE THING we were supposed to, we took huge leaps backwards to try something new.
And you know what?
I have two books in stores, with two more coming in the next two years. My husband? He just won a national Edward R Murrow award for best news writing, he’s a sought-after freelance news reporter, and he’s just been hired on as a professor of journalism at Mercer University.
Do we have peers who are much further along, with much splashier careers? Yes. Did they find those careers much earlier? Yup. Did we feel, at moments, like maybe we were big stinking failures for being in our late 20s and essentially starting our careers over? Oh yeah.
But I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
There are so many messages these days about being the best you can be, but I think there’s a missing piece. Be the best you can be at the thing you WANT to be. Don’t just do something because the path is in front of you, the steps are clear, or you’re already halfway there. Don’t strive for striving’s sake. The award is only valuable if you actually want it to begin with, because trust me … the momentary joy of holding the trophy fades, and in the end you better have more making you happy than a big lump of (metaphorical) metal (or plastic, as the case may be).
Just because we’re not the fastest … doesn’t mean we won’t get there.
As someone who was used by Alex, I know a GLIMPSE of what Rosi and Sarah and Sunny and the other girls went/are going through. The girls who were abused and manipulated are incredibly brave for coming out with their stories and I hope everyone who has been abused or manipulated is getting the help and support they deserve. I truly do.
Because I am a part of the girls who have been used/manipulated, I have been tracking the tags like you would not believe. I see the fandom hurting. I see fans in pain. I am mearly reaching out to them to know they have support, too. It is incredibly painful to know your idol is a terrible person. I know people don’t know what to do and I think some fans have left the fandom because of this scandal. I think that’s sad because this is the best fandom in the world.
I’m sorry if I offended you, Anon (come on. Safe space. I would have talked to you privately if you wanted), or anyone else. Yes, the girls used/manipulated/abused are going through a lot emotionally. I did not mean to offend anyone.
When Jason Munday called wizard rock “dead,” my heart broke. Here was a guy I have supported and loved for years, a guy whose voice has gone through my speakers a million times, and he called wizard rock dead. I do believe wizard rock fans are hurting emotionally. My hope is that everyone who needs it takes a break, but comes back. I love Wizard Rock. I love Wizard Rockers. I love the Harry Potter fandom and Nerdfighteria. They are the reason I am alive today.
I support ANYONE who is going through anything emotionally due to this. If ANYONE needs to talk, please contact me. Because I am a friend to all in this community.
Three/four weeks ago, I found out that Rosi came out about Alex Carpenter’s other side.
Alex is a caring, funny, and slightly adorable wizard who loves Harry Potter. He just is. I will never deny that. Mostly, that is the person I want to remember. I want to remember watching him on stage as I sing his song lyrics back at him, a fan who never thought she’d get to be friends with this amazing person.
If you asked me who I would want to hook up with in the Wizard Rock community, it would not be Alex. Actually, Alex probably wouldn’t have made the list.
But it happened. I saw his other side. Alex: the womanizer.
It took me a LONG time to find the right man who would treat me right. I never thought it would happen. Then I found someone who respected me, who found me pretty even when I wasn’t wearing makeup, who loved me for the crazy/weird person I am. I couldn’t be more grateful for my boyfriend. He respected me right away and respected my wishes for our relationship right away.
Alex, the womanizer, didn’t respect me. He found a cute girl, hit on her, and insinuated that he wanted to hook up with her. And I let him.
I found myself distancing the wizard rock community after Alex left town. I wanted him to be a better person. Sure, it was a one-night stand. But… he should have treated me like a person who was a huge fan of his work and his life, not just someone he hooked up with.
After I shared my story, I had an overwhelming amount of support from friends, friends who I haven’t talked to in months, and especially from people who don’t even know who I am. They read my story and shared it.
That is why I love this community. THAT IS WHY I LOVE THIS COMMUNITY. The weapon we have is love and it has been spread around for the past three weeks while we ALL deal with this. Yes, the other girls and myself who were used by Alex have dealt with this, but the fandom has had more to deal with. Their idea of who Alex Day, Alex Carpenter, and Luke Conard (and the few other YouTubers) was shattered without warning. At least the other girls and myself have known for months, even years.
Respect is the most important thing in a relationship, whether it is just a friendship or more. My boyfriend showed me that the first day we kissed. I got lucky with him. I picked him because he was the exact opposite of Alex and other guys who just wanted sex.
This is the lesson the community needs to learn. Know what respect is. Don’t expect that you will always get it, but DEMAND IT. Someone who loves you and cares about you will do so automatically. Someone who just wants to use you won’t.
I have listened to The Ministry of Magic and other wizard rock lately. I missed it. I am remembering to remember them for what I want them to be - people who created music I love.
Don’t let this scandal ruin your view of this AMAZING community. Yes, there will always be rock stars who take advantage of their fans, but let’s be real: this fandom is the best fucking fandom in the entire world.
I love you all. Thank you for your support. Never forget to be awesome.
You don’t know me.
But I can’t be silent any longer.
Within the last few days, my fandom has exploded with brave women sharing their stories. I feel stronger, because they’ve been through the same things, and it’s shown me that I’m not alone. So I need to share my story too, because this is…
This. Read this.